Romantic and Square is Hip and Aware.
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Walking oxyMORON" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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09:16 pm
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Team in Training Update.
Yesterday was one of those days where you find out..."Y'know, I'm pretty awesome." I ran 12 miles in less than two hours, went home then did the church thing, and still had some energy to be a wory wart with. Oh about the running: I'm running through the Lukemia Lymphoma Society. All funds I raise go to research for a cure. So, if you can give, no matter how small, please visit my donation site. And please, spread the word.
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07:52 pm
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Holy Schnike!
Whoa. I have one of these?
...Yeah, I know, I suck. Avoidant tendencies be damned, I'm an ass. I'm back now though, and I'm gonna try to repair the friendships I've not been contributing to. Just please, be patient with me.
I'm gonna move my backdated Xanga entries over here, and from here on out, update both.
Current Mood:  blah
Current Music: "We Don't Care Anymore," Story of the Year
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08:12 pm
[Link] | You know what's awesome? http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0
I did indeed get to go to a land of magic and wonder (and Red Vines!) on Tuesday. Great movie...it was faithful to the book, and the battle included, among other awesome things, a phoenix. Dude!
In other news, I'm getting kinda worried about my hours at work. Dont get me wrong, it was nice I got to see my Grandma and other extended family, especially since they're up in Chicago, but now that I'm getting part of my check held for health coverage...I'm broke, ok? As if I didn't have enough to overcome on the dating front...
Odd note: it is almost exactly five miles from my G-ma's house to the CURF campus and back.
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08:22 pm
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And so this is Christmas...
Hope everyone had/is having a merry holiday, whichever one their belief system dictates.
The Drury christmas party was ok for the most part...except the management as St. Clair Bowl will forever be incompetent in my mind. Seriously, you have a party till 4, and you start a High School bowling match at 3:30? WTF, mate? That being said, barbecue+"puppy chow"+bowling = fun. I bowled a 60, followed by a 153; so much for consistency, eh?
Christmas Eve was really Christmas take one for me. Since my sibs were Dad's for the 25th, Mom made the big meal on Christmas Eve. Mmmm, Honey Baked Ham. We also opened gifts; I got some wireless headphones, a DriFit-type shirt, RaceReady shorts, a jacket and a poker set. Awesome stuff...then, there was the Candlelight Service. Honestly, I get tired of being expected to be the one to reconnect with old high school friendquainteces™. They seem to enjoy staring at me till I squirm, yet can't talk to me...and I know, they probably feel the same way. I just think...it'll happen if it's meant to, but otherwise, their probably better off not knowing me anymore. I don't want to drag them into all the...uncertainty and such.
Christmas Day I spent mostly at Dad's. Got the Family Guy movie, and a T-shirt I'd return if I was more of an ass. But it wasn't as awkward as I thought it'd be, even considering the fact I was asked to thank Mandie for the gifts. I did..and let me lay this out: I don't wish anything bad to happen to her, and I could possibly be on friendly terms with her one day. But she lost my trust, period, and what she's done to my family is hard to forgive. That being said, she is human, and therefore sinful...if I ever felt remorse on her part was genuine, I'd easily forgive her.
Current Mood:  content
Current Music: "Santa Claus is Coming..." Rev. Horton Heat
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02:34 pm
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Cause I'm bored.
LJ Interests meme results
- beanbag:
Ah, the joys of dual interests!
Beanbag was an awesome rock band...like a dash of Deftones, some RAtM, a little Korn...and to top it all off a Christian band. Not worship music, by any means, but very intelligent. They tackle the treatment of science as religion, the media, trust in people, etc.
Beanbags are awesome. Great to throw, wonderfully versitle as chairs...what's not to like? - cheez-its:
Great, great snack food. And it brings back memories of CURF, especially hanging out over in Gross. I looove the Tobasco variety. - edgar allan poe:
Sure, everyone knows The Raven, but the man also wrote some wonderful short stories. I'm a big fan of "The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether," but they all are good. Plus, they inspired one of the best concept albums ever in "Tales of Mystery and Imagination" by The Alan Parsons Project. - good music in general:
Ummm...self-explanatory? We also would accept "Fusk MTv." - johnny marr:
The influential guitarist of the Smiths, and the less appriciated half of the creative force behind said band. He was dynamite in that band (listen to "How Soon is Now?"), but had a solid solo career, and was part of The The and Electric. - milk has calcium:
The band consisting of several Metro-ites, including the awesome Paul Kruta. I'm guessing they disbanded, but they were loads of fun, and far more talented than I'll ever be. - pink floyd:
Do I need a reason?
"Comfortably Numb," and The Dark Side of the Moon. There that's TWO reasons! - snow patrol:
Great Scots! A good band. The guitar riff from "Spitting Games" is splediforius, and "Tiny Little Fractures" is wonderful. Just Get their album, ok? - the daily show:
Satire lives! And is more intelligent than the nightly news! This is where Steve Carell(The Office, 40-year Old Virgin) got his start. Watch it when the news is too depressing, but you want to be informed. - watashi wa:
A Tooth and Nail band that I honestly haven't heard much from in a while. Not sure they're even together still...
Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.
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01:49 pm
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Try to understand...the way I can.
Long time no update...that's cause my sister has been hogging the computer non-stop to talk to her "future husband." :runstopuke: Right. Anyways, that should come to a stop, seeing as how her grades have dropped.
Had lunch with my dad a couple weeks ago. It was weird...sad really. I'm so torn between being happy that he's happier than he's ever been - that I've seen, anyway - and pissed off that he has the gall to be happy. Despite that, I kept things focused on his family - particularily on the sibs. They need him...he claims to know that, and says his phone - both cell and land line - are out. Which is entirly possible given the house payments he has to make, but it's still too hard to separate the thruth and lies with him.
God...I never thought I'd say that about him...in fact, all of six months ago, I was saying that about my mother.
If I've taken anything from all of that, it's that humans are, indeed, human. I've been far too trusting of them, and not enough in God.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the scum I sometimes feel I am...it can't all be my fault...and in fact, it sometimes isn't one person's fault; to quote my pastor, "Sin happens."
Can someone explain how Blindside got suck being an opening act for Trapt? Or worse, how a bill with he is legend and Anberlin has...Story of the (Last) Year as the main act? Oh, that's right, I live in the Mtv era; all flash, no substance.
Am glad to see, most of you guys are getting along ok...Aaron, my prayers are still with you. Hang in there.
And to anyone who keeps up with wrestling, Matt Hardy cemented himself as the wrestling story of the year. There might have been workers with better quality matches, and a few with more odds to overcome, but he has put on solid matches ever since returning, despite...
Right, I'll do this in another post.
Anyways, I hereby swear to post at least twice a week. No lie.
Current Mood:  cheerful
Current Music: All I Know - Pepper's Ghost
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10:42 am
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I don't want to hate...
So. I'm realizing my place more and more.
I don't like it. It isn't fair. Insert angst here.
The fact is...the fact is, my sibs deserve all the support and attention they can get. And if that means I have to take on some of the things my father ought to be doing, then I'll just have to remember that it's for the greater good. There will be times that is of little comfort, and I will whine. Hell, I might even become bitter...but if it means making a difference, at least some of me is ok with that. It's funny; I talk about feeling so useless, selfish and unimportant, and when a situation comes that thrusts me into a significant, meaningful role...I complain. I doubt. I become depressed. And worst of all, I wonder where God is...when really, he's given me a purpose, it just wasn't what I wanted. But it might be what I need, and, more importantly, what my family needs.
*phew* ok then. Oh by the way, the new avatar is because I'm tired of being a closet wrestling fan. Diss me if you want. Call me a stupid hick. I know I'm not, and what's more, some of the most articulate, intteligent people I know are even more into wrestling than I am...so if your opinion of me has lowered, I guess it wasn't all that secure an opinion anyway.
Aaaaaand...end rant. Time to pick songs for saturday night.
Current Mood:  busy
Current Music: Creep - Radiohead
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02:00 pm
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For all those wondering...a picture of the tattoo.
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01:41 pm
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"...you could taste the red hands."
I hate it when I'm right. ( Positively despise it... )
Most of the Metro floks already know about Holly Reeb...as it turns out, her boyfriend is our drummer for contemporary. Apparently, he's blaming himself, and refusing treatment for his injuries. I can only imagine how hurt he is, so please pray for him.
Current Mood:  exhausted
Current Music: Taste the Red Hands - Dead Poetic
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05:51 pm
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In the meantime, the in-between-time...
I'll have an explanation of my last post after dinner, but I figure I'll put up this thing, since all the cool kids are...
1. Reply with your name and I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I’ll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.
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07:52 am
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/18803398/2473382) [Link] |
Can't you see? Your reign is over...
So. I know I've been non existant in both postage and comments, but that's because I've been heavily invesing my time in being fair to both my parents, watching out for the sibs and having a girlfriend, albeit in name only.
I say that because things changed between she and I in a way...shit,it's like something out of daytime TV. Or at least Lifetime.
But it's okay, 'cause I had been putting up the same walls a couple of LJers could tell you about with her, dispite me having worked hard at changing that habit. And her having guilted me into refering to her as girlfriend, even though I suspected things wouldn't work. And...feces, it's not okay.
Point is though, I can post on a regular basis, because it doesen't pay to care as much about other people's intrests anymore...I want to keep up with my friends. And by god, that's what I'm gonna do; not after Mom has a chance to vent, or Dad has me come to his house on a whim - when I damn well feel like it, I'll do those things. But family bonds are no reason to ignore the few who haven't betrayed my trust.
Be back tonight, But now...work.
Current Mood:  okay
Current Music: The Best Deceptions - Dashboard Confessional
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02:45 pm
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Well, that plan went the way of the Hindenberg...
Yes I am still alive, contrary to popular belief. I've just been hard pressed to find time in front of the ol' computer. Between 1)a lock-in Saturday-Sunday morning, that I spent most of last week preparing for; 2)work, of course; 3)being sent out to my father's Monday night, and having not been back here (my Mother's) since...well, now; and 4) spending time with Mandy...you can see how this fell by the wayside. It seems as though you all had a lot going on as well, so that's good.
Due to a lot of strange goings on, I am rather torn between where I belong. On the one hand, I love the things I'm doing at Holy Cross. I know there's a passion for music and Youth ministry, and that doesn't happen by accident. And with how well things went (for the most part) last weekend, and with all the plans/visions/ideas I've got going...you get the idea.
However...things aren't so great at my current job, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to do everything I'm doing in the places I'm doing them, especially with going back and forth between Alton and C-ville. Though...at least my parents have begun to reconcile. For that, I can deal with not knowing from night to night where I'll be sleeping.
And Mandy? I care a lot about her...hell, I love her. Is she "the one?" Not yet...I'm not ready, and there's a lot of things we're both still burdened with...plus, we seem to be at different points, faith-wise. Pray for me on this one guys...
Tomorrow won't be all that great, but that's ok...I've got something to look forward to, as unclear as it may be. God bless!
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: Reveal - By the Tree
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09:06 am
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Holy....friggin' cow.
It's been a long time.
A loooong time. And I could sit here and offer all manner of excuses, but the truth is, I kept putting updating this thing off. I've had the time, but I've been trying to...keep myself in check, for lack of phrasing. I didn't want to post while I was angry. Problem is...I've been angry for a long while now. Still am.
Don't get me wrong, I ve had some fun. The flogging Molly concert on the 25th was awesome. I've met a friend who might become more(who I plan on doing a seperate post on...she sort of requires it.) And I even went and got a tattoo on Thursday. Yeah, I know, not a very "Jon-like thing to do."
But I think I did it when I did because I needed to remember that it's ok to think about myself, and that the parents need to take some responsiblity for their children, and for what they're doing to them. As much as I want to be able to take care of my family....I just felt taken advantage of. Like I was enabling my parents acting more childish than their own child. So, I'm trying to keep in mind that caring for my family and caring for myself aren't mutually exculsive.
So, I suppose that's more what I wanted to get out than a list of activites. I'll save that for tonight.
I'll leave you with this, because it was scary right:
| Your Expression Number is 6 | You have an outstanding sense of responsibility, love, and balance.
You are helpful and inclined to comfort those in need.
You have many artistic and creative talents, but you only use them to better others.
You are loving, friendly, and appreciative of others.
You have a depth of understanding that produces much kindness and generosity.
Openness and honesty are apparent in your approach to all relationships.
Sometimes, you can be too demanding of yourself.
At times, you tend to sacrifice yourself for the welfare of others.
At other times, you have trouble distinguishing between helping and interfering. |
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: "Criticism As Inspiration," Pedro the Lion
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05:02 pm
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You Are A Fig Tree |
You are very independent and strong minded.
A hard worker when you want to be, you play hard too.
You are honest and loyal. You hate contradiction or arguments.
You love life, and you live for your friends, children, and animals.
A great sense of humor, artistic talent, and intelligence are all gifts you possess. |
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09:44 pm
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Never take friendship personal...
So, My plane leaves tomorrow night at 10:15. Cool beans. No seriously, I need to get away from here. From all the drama, the stress, the work...it's been making me sick, both mentally and physically.
The point? I'll be in Chicago by about...11:45 Frday night, till about 8:30 Sunday morning. Aside from seeing the musical, what I do in that time period is up to anyone with any ideas. Seriously, it's been far too long since I've seen some of you! So, if you have an idea of what you'd like to do and when, or when on saturday you'd be free, or whatever, let me know. I'll be checking my LJ a few times before I leave, and also on Saturday morning. Or if'n you'd like a more direct approach, call my cell phone: (618) 420-3935. (Yeah, posting that on LJ seems unsafe, but no one not on my friends list ever reads this anyway.)
Any ideas you have for fun activites, or food, or whatever, let me know. (note: Jon craves the Sweet Frisbee Action.) Even if all I can do is say hi in passing though, I'm REALLY looking forward to seeing you guys! Till then...
Current Mood: excited
Current Music: Control - Mute Math
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04:21 pm
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Sweet home Chicago...
I'm gonna have a much more substantial post later, but I just figured I'd let everyone know I'll be coming up to see My Fair Lady on the 16th. My flight will come in around 10:30 that friday night, but I should be free to hang out, or just say hi or whatever, most of the 16th, but unfortunatly, my flight back leaves ear-ly Sunday morning. So yeah, let me know if you want me to stop by, say hi, squirt some seltzer in your eye...*shakes head* that sounded less lame in my head. Oh well.
Current Music: How to Be Popular - The Pale
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08:06 pm
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How to disappear completely.
Ok. I can do this.
*deep breath*
You might be wondering, assuming you read this back when I posted regularly, why I...well, haven't bee posting regularly. There is a reason.
It's not that I had nothing to post about.
It's not that I don't care about any of my LJ friends.
It's not a computer phobia.
No power failure, virus, or anything of the like.
What it is hits much closer to home than all that...because it is home, and it's being torn apart.
Shit, I'm being way too melodramatic. I'm gonna cut to the chase: it looks like my parents are getting a divorce. I just didn't know how to say it, so for a good month, i haven't.
Now please, don't feel sorry for me. I know it could be worse; I'm old enough custody isn't an issue, for one thing. And honestly...it may be the best thing for both of them.
Now don't think i'm being flippant...on the contrary, this whole thing has been making me physically sick. I'm being pulled by them, wheter it's their intent or not, to choose a side. But I won't. I can't...I love them both too much.
The problem now is what can I do to make things as easy for my family as possible? I'm looking for a second job, and trying to find an apartment. That way, at least i can relive some of the financial stress of the situation, and not hurt either parent. Y'know, no one can say I love then more because I live with them. Conversely, I don't want to strain either parent finacially. So that's the current stress. But my health is starting to go, and I don't know how to fix that either.
Phew. So...yeah. Like I said, I know others have it worse. I'm ot trying to whine, just to...explain why I was so hesitant to post. This wasn't easy to articilate, and honestly, it's only half of what's going on inside me, but...yeah. If you've read this far...thank you.
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Disappear- Mazzy Star
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02:12 pm
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By way of explanation...
I realize I've been a ghost lately, as far as LJ and AIM are concerned. To make a long story short, the family life...it's not going well as of late. Lots of tension, an accident - which, thank God, my Dad came out of without a scratch - and all types of shit going down at once...I've been too busy, too P.O.ed, or too not at home to use the 'puter the past week. Not that it would have mattered, as AIM was being stupid.
Point is, I think things are calming down now. I should be around late tonight to talk, update in depth, and finish responding to past comments, but for now, I gotta run; both of my sisters have a b-ball game. Later.
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10:58 pm
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Things will get better, this I promise you...
Ooh, a REAL update!
Yes until yesterday, not much was there for me to update on. Cornerstone promotion has gone decently well, though I still haven't earned any credits...I have my loan payments under control, thank god...and, after getting close to being over 200 pounds, I'm back in good enough shape to consider helping with track at Holy Cross. But that's just icing on this cake:
I GOTS ME A RAISE!!!
Yup. Not a giant one, by any means, but because my evaluation was supposed to happen in...November, I get a month and a half's worth of retro-pay on my next check. Which means more to feed one of my unhealthy collecting habits (anime or CD's, depends on what I see first.)
Oh, and on Sunday I get to go to Winter Jam...Tait, TobyMac...and other bands I can't remember. But it's good music, good ministry, and a chance for me to promote Cornerstone on the other side of the river, so it's all good.
Peace.
Current Mood:  giddy
Current Music: Mouth Like a Magazine - Showbread
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10:53 pm
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Could have been one of these first...
As I have responded to this in a friend's LJ, the power of #5 compels me(hehe...survey exorcism) to present:
[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you
[02] I will then tell what song[s] remind me of you.
[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
[04] Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
[05] Put this in your journal!
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